I know how many of you hate player reviews, but I feel like after playing with this monster of a man I had to make a review.
Yaya Toure, or as I like to call him “Black Magic,” is the greatest attacking/defending force on my team even when I usually play him at the back in CDM with a lot of Fifa 16 coins android. He strikes fear in the eyes of his opponents that make sweaty demons like Benteke and Dombia fall to the pitch in the fetal position and cry for mercy. His longs shots are so powerful they make inform De Gea’s dive the wrong way in utter terror of obtaining third degree burns as the ball speeds by them.
Pace: On the card it is only 76 with a 78 sprint speed, but this is irrelevant. As he runs with each step he creates miniature earthquakes that make his opponents fall over if they enter a 6 yard perimeter around his body. Whenever a defender is able to keep balance enough to make a decent challenge on the ball, they get a sensation of a freight train hitting them at 200mph launching them off the ball so hard even Mehmet Yildiraz would call a yellow card.
Sho: This monster is able to launch balls out of the atmosphere with the sheer stregnth of his right leg. His power and accuracy combined can land set pieces from 40 yards out 10/10 times regardless of who’s in goal.
Pas: Sometimes Black Magic remembers that the game is unfair if he just scores so easily so he also likes to assist every once in a while. He is what made over the top through balls OP, not EA. His placement is impeccable. Him compared to Iniesta, is like comparing Van Gogh and a 3 year old who colors outside the lines of a coloring book.
Dri: 79, irrelevant, because he doesn’t actually dribble. He runs near the ball and allows it to catch onto his orbit as it just rotates around him making it impossible for any Boateng/Benatia duo to stop.
Def: This is why I like him at CDM. 80 defending, more like 98. He stops forwards on a dime. Not only does he steal the ball, but also their shoes, socks, and dignity as he sprints away laughing on his way to another 40 yrd strike.
Phy: Is there much to be said? Matching up to Toure is like trying to stop an elephant in search of peanuts, it’s like watching a jet takeoff, it’s like combining four Akinfewa’s and giving them the pace of doumbia. It’s traumatic.
Now you may be saying “oh you’re wasting him by putting him at the back with M/M workrates,” or “why spend that much when i can just get inform Pogba for almost the same price?” You’re wrong. Oh you are facing a five at the back and are stuck trying to pass around Ramos or Godin. Waut what’s that? Why is the ground shaking?
That’s toure smashing in like owning 1500 Fifa 16 coins bucking bronco from the back. You loft it back to him as he one times it from the midfield line into Ramos’s face so hard that it meses up Ramos’s perfect hair, yes his hair, deflecting into the back of the net over Casillas just to trot back and defend your opponent from any ninety minute bullshit EA has scripted into the game.